Okay… you may not be at the requiring a mobility scooter to navigate the vast distances of your Wal-Mart SuperCenter level of lardness but you do notice the bouncy blubber that has lifted you to the pudgy plateau. And you want it gone.
But you like food and the act of eating.Maybe eating is a substitute for what you lack in life. Has love eluded you? Never a gal or guy to call your own? Nobody to converse with in your lonely abode where, at best, you are forced to converse as I am with you via text on a screen. Food may be a substitute for what you lack. The psychology of fatness and excess food consumption is complex and beyond the scope of this communique.
Here I offer one ploy among many to assist you fat-assed freaks in cutting back on a few calories that, over time, adds up to having NOT consumed a huge number of calories.This edible can be eaten for any meal, even second breakfast or third dinner or even midrats (look it up). The ever-popular hamburger. Yummy!!!
If you do not like burgers you may be a PETA weirdo or a demented vegan or a member of a religious cult that abhors eating dead cow or some other dementia driving you away from the meal munched upon by innumerable meal munchers. If you are anti-ground-up dead cow close this window and go away. Far away. We’re having fun here. Scat!!!
The plan: reduce portion size. How to do this? Instead of a hamburger bun use an English muffin!!!
I toast my muffin after cutting it in half to expose the nook-and-cranny-laden interior.
This is important. Pay attention. When creating the patty use a small amount of meat. Make it thin, not thick. A smaller patty has fewer calories. There is a correlation between mass and calorie content. Reduce mass, reduce your mass!!! Become thin and trim and despite your ugly face and crappy personality the physical appeal of your lithe trim body will have males and females flocking to you wanting to rub against you. You figure out what your gender is and choose appropriately. Or inappropriately. It is YOUR damn business, not mine. Damn freaks.
This lard-ass makes a thick calorie-laden patty and likely eats three or four of them followed by 12-ounces of ice cream. Do that and you waddle with the big boys and strain the motor of the scooter. Not good.
BAD:
The circumference is okay but calories are oozing out of that cloud-scraping too-thick patty. Also, that cheese slice. If you must have cheese try Velveeta or similar fake cheese with only 40-calories. Real cheese can be 100-calories per slice. Omit all cheese and those missed calories add up.
Add thickness to your burger using low-cal vegetables. Wash the bacteria and pesticides off your veggies. You can always go the bare-naked route and place your patty upon a muffin with nary any other ingredient.
Careful with the condiments. Mustard is low-cal. Mayo is fattening. Be selective. Or be fat. Your choice.
Food for fat folks:
You should now know the mistakes made with the above calorie-laden morass. In the comment section below list what you would do and not do to decrease the calorie content of the burger above. Misspellings not factored in. Grade totally dependent upon content. English only, please. I am not fluent in Ebonics. If you have a strong southern accent think in the King’s English. Thank you.
If the patty was thinner the creation below would be a great meal!!!
Below we see a burger with good patty mass. Knowing that a cheese slice would add calories the crafty creator cut back on the cow. If mayo or other condiment adds calories you can cull the cow even further by reducing meat amount. Or you could say screw it and omit the cow and use only cheese and instead of toasting heat it up in a frying pan but that’s a grilled cheese sandwich and this post is about burger so go create your own damn thread about vittles.
I Adore Food 